It’s time to have the talk
(you know the one)
You already work more than anyone else on your team and you’re nearing burnout. When your boss asks you to take on yet another project, you instinctively reply, “sure, no problem!”
Your sex life is feeling blah, but you’re scared you’ll hurt your partner’s feelings if you bring it up. Instead, you keep your thoughts to yourself and hope things will magically get better.
Your friend suggests the Ritz for an upcoming trip, whereas you envision staying somewhere like the Holiday Inn. Money talk stresses you out and you don’t want to sound cheap, so you agree. You are feeling good about finally having your budget under control and now worry you’re headed back to dreading credit card statements.
When you go home for the holidays, you suddenly feel like a little kid again. Passive-aggressive comments get thrown around and you spend the whole ride home thinking of all the things you wish you’d said.
These conversations are hard for a reason: they force you to talk about taboo topics; you’re scared to hurt other people’s feelings; you don’t want to rock the boat or sound pushy. No wonder you’re avoiding them! And yet, these are the conversations that foster real trust and connection.
Tough conversations are about to get easier.
Introducing, The Heart of Asking: a live small-group coaching program to help you
say what you mean, without being mean.
We’ve been talking about communication forever.
For the last 15 years, we’ve been working in the field of reproductive and sexual health. We’ve supported hundreds of clients to communicate their needs and desires in intimate relationships - navigating infertility, mismatched libidos, polyamory, infidelity, kink, parenthood. We’ve heard it all.
Amy’s training in Dynamic Emotional Integration® provides a framework for understanding our emotions (including how to work with them). Kim’s experience with Rosjke Hasseldine’s Mother-Daughter Attachment provides an additional lens into why those of us socialized as women have such a hard time speaking up.
The Heart of Asking brings all of this together.
In this 3-month, live small-group coaching program, we’ll distill everything we’ve learned about communication into actionable steps you can use with romantic partners, friends, family, and work colleagues.
The Heart of Asking Philosophy
We've developed the following core principles based on 15 years of supporting clients, personal experience, and research.
Note that tough conversations are 50% preparation, 20% execution & 30% follow-up
Identify and process the emotions that are coming up (they’re trying to tell you something!)
Focus on what needs to be said, not a laundry list of every annoyance from the last five years.
Set the stage for success by choosing an optimal time and location.
Find the right words. Spoiler alert: statements that start with “you never” aren’t on the list.
Turn “the talk” into an ongoing dialogue. Schedule that check-in and course-correct as needed.
What’s Included
Coaching
Group Coaching Calls
Topic-Specific Workshops (Money, Sexuality, Colleagues & Mother-Daughter Relationships)
One Private Coaching Session with Kim
Resources
Printable Scripts and Tip Sheets
Lifetime Access to The Heart of Asking Curriculum & Materials
Curated Reading List
Format
Group Support and Celebrations
Interactive Learning Experience with Live Demonstrations
Weekly Homework to Practice Your New Skills
The Heart of Asking Reading List
We’ll be drawing on a variety of teachers and resources throughout the course, including Glennon Doyle, Esther Perel, and Prentis Hemphill.
The following three books are required texts. If possible, please support independent bookstores (if you’re in Canada, check out Another Story). Depending on where you live, these titles may also be available through your library. If you prefer audiobooks, they’re available in that format too.
We’ll be assigning specific sections as part of your weekly homework. That said, if you’re a keener, there’s nothing stopping you from getting a head start and making these your holiday reads!
Unbound
by Kasia Urbaniak
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
by Nedra Glover Tawwab
The Art of Empathy
by Karla McLaren
FAQs
Q: You mention “interactive” and “live demos.” What if I’m not comfortable sharing?
A: The whole course is about clear communication and boundaries, so this is a great opportunity to practice speaking up! Participation during the group calls is entirely voluntary.
Q: I see there’s homework involved. How much time outside of the group calls will I need to spend on the course?
A: We recommend setting aside 1-2 hours a week to complete the worksheets and readings.
Q: I’ve read a bunch of self-help books already. Will I learn anything new?
A: We love to read (hence the book list!) and we believe that some things are best learned in an interactive format. There’s power in hearing the same concept explained a bunch of different ways. With The Heart of Asking, you’ll have the chance to learn from group members, Kim and Amy, the print curriculum, and the core texts. You’ll also have accountability. Let’s be honest - how often do you really do the journal prompts in books??
Q: Can we chat before I commit to the program?
A: Absolutely! The reason there’s an application form and not a “enroll” button is that all potential students receive a 30-minute session to determine if The Heart of Asking is right for you. This is a small group (5-9 people), so we want to be 100% sure that everyone is on the same page.
Q: You mention Mother-Daughter Attachment. What do you mean by ‘mother’?
A: We come from a family where we had many mother figures. If the term mother-daughter resonates, this work is for you. We work with folks who identify as women, trans, or non-binary.
Q: What if I change my mind? Do you offer refunds?
A: To protect the group dynamic, once you enrol in The Heart of Asking no refunds will be issued. This is why we offer free sample sessions prior to any commitment.
Q: Do you offer payment plans?
A: We do! The program price is $1200 CAD if paid in full or three monthly payments of $400.
Q: What can I expect at the end of the program? What’s the goal?
A: By the end of the program you’ll have specific tools to make hard conversations successful. From there, who knows what’s possible! Finally getting the raise you deserve, awesome sex, more time (a fun side effect of saying no).
“Every time you ask someone for something, you are offering them a role in your life. Asking someone for less means offering them a lesser role.”
― Kasia Urbaniak, Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power
Program Overview
Twelve (12) hours of live group instruction and coaching with Kim and Amy
One (1) private coaching session with Kim
The Heart of Asking curriculum
Weekly readings from course textbooks
Lifetime access to scripts & worksheets
Group support and accountability
Interactive learning in a small group (enrollment is capped at nine students)
Investment: $1200 CAD (payment plans available)
Apply for The Heart of Asking
Please write as much as you’re comfortable sharing! The more we know, the easier it will be for us to determine if it’s a good fit.